Fuck Starbucks

I hate Starbucks. With all of my heart and soul, with every ounce of my being, I fucking hate Starbucks. I mean I really hate Starbucks. Like, you know how George Bush hates intelligent people and how Iraqi people hate us... yeah, well I hate Starbucks much more than that. Allow me to elucidate.

I won't stay too long on the obvious reasons, like the fact that their coffee sucks, or that most of their drinks have unnecessarily long names, or that they have more sugar and caffeine than the normal person should take in on one day, or that they have the most ridiculous fucking names for their cup sizes. I'll leave those alone for now.

What I hate most is their business model. They are a cancer on our cities that infects the population while the infected gleefully support its growth. They purposely open up next to small, local coffee shops that have roots in the community and a semblance of a soul. Within a short amount of time, the humble revenue that supported a member of the neighborhood is dried up like the shitty biscotti that make Star-mother-buckers feel oh so trendy.

I'm not saying that all chain stores are a bad thing, or even that competition should be stifled. What I'm saying is that this particular chain exploits the tendency for humans to become mindless drones that prefer consistent, sterile mediocrity over a unique, individualized experience. Why risk having a cup of joe that could be anything from so-so to fucking amazing when you have a reliable source of brown piss that is barely drinkable without three tablespoons of sugar.

Then, like rabbits on crack, they multiply and attempt to take over every street corner and food court available. As if the American public isn't lazy enough, they want to make sure you never have to walk more than 50 yards to get your dear, precious, venti-mocha-java-soy-latte-americana-third-world-county-blend with a dash of vanilla syrup.

I also hate their patrons who think that they're so globally conscious because they eat only organic food and would never shop at a place like Wal-Mart. Wake up, people. Starbucks is the Wal-Mart & McDonalds of coffee. It's mass-produced, homogenized garbage that has no real sustenance, wasn't produced anywhere near where you've purchased it, and only serves to contribute to a lack of diverse cultures and traditions. Besides, half the point of eating organic food is supporting your local economy, but Starbucks just drains the profit from the community.

"Oh, but they pay their employees well and sell fair-trade coffee." That's great, so that means when the person that used to own their own coffeeshop was aggressively shoved out of business, they can get a job at their local Starbucks where they're paid wages that don't allow them to cover rent or support their family.

"This is hypocritical, the people that work there are local, they know my name and my favorite drink. Why can't Starbucks be considered a part of the community?" Oh, is that why you keep going back? Well here's something to try out. Go to a local coffeeshop every fucking day and order the same thing and they'll learn your name, too. And on top of that, you'll be participating in something that doesn't exist in the exact same form in every goddam city in the nation.

"But it's comforting knowing that I will get the same cup of coffee in New York as I will in L.A. I don't want to have a different experience every time I get a cup of coffee. I just want to stick with what I know and trust, even if there is better out there. I don't see why you have to get mad, I like Starbucks and to hell with that little place on the corner that has been there for 30 years." Oh, well, in that case, fuck you.

Why am I laughed at for being Socialist?

I mean, I know why. It's because the American 'educational' system tells us that socialism is bad because socialism = communism, and communism = Russia and China, and Russia and China = bad. But browsing through this site, I've seen a rediculous amount of people whose political leanings indicate that they are socialist. Is America filled with a bunch of closet socialists? Or is it just this site? Maybe our generation is the one. Maybe we're the ones who will take this country to the next level. The level of humanitarianism and equality and social justice and something other than a fucking 400% gap between the CEO's and the entry-level employees in most of our companies. There's nothing wrong with being rewarded according to your contribution to society, but I'm going to take a stab in the dark here by saying that I don't think that Bill Gates is billions of times better as a human than the rest of us. Who amoung us doesn't get angry when it's brought up that 95% of Americans won't escape the class into which they're born? What asshole thinks that massive companies are not responsible for global warming, and if they are, that 'the market will fix itself'? Am I the only one who doesn't feel like we need to pay 99 cents for a 24 pack of socks? What ever happened to paying a few bucks extra because we want our money to stay in our community, rather than adding an extra layer to some fat old white bastard's pockets and turning the gears of the global exploitation market? Supposedly the American Dream is still possible, but if that dream is to start a business that will be shut down as soon as the wal-mart opens, but all the while buying mayonnaise and shoestrings in bulk from the very people taking your job, then who the hell wants it? Maybe China taking over as the global superpower is just what America needs. A swift kick in the pants and a reminder that life can suck when everyone is just looking out for themselves. Who'll be laughing then?

A Philosopher's Rant II - after taking a breath

It's almost always the first question I'm asked when I tell people that's what I studied in college. Either that, or "where's the nearest exit?" So I'm just going to throw this out there, but you're more than welcome to ask me if you ever meet me in person, it's undoubtedly one of my all-time favorite rants.
I have always been a philosopher. I've always asked questions, much to the consternation and confusion of my parents, about the nature of knowledge. I didn't even know what philosophy actually meant until about 11th grade (I went to a small high school), and once I found out, I suddenly felt a lot less and a whole lot more alone in the world simultaneously. My first class on my first day of college at 8 in the morning was intro to philosophy. The professor talked the entire time about how it was a pointless study and that we should blow off the class, just come in for the exam, and crap out a paper when needed because the course only represented one thirtysecond of our career GPA. I was the only person who showed up for every lecture. I declared my major before the end of the first semester (against the recommendation/ pleading of my academic counselor).
First off, philosophy is my passion, so I don't give a rats ass about what it will or will not do for me after college. I went to college to learn, not to get through one more step in the path of "be born > go to school > get a 'good' job > get married > pop out some kids > die". I loved every single philosophy class I ever took, and I still read philosophy for fun.
Second, philosophy is a self-fulfilling study... if done properly (and it often isn't). If you think about it, philosophy is essentially the analysis of beliefs, and how to rationally convince others of them. My belief is that philosophy is a worthwhile and beneficial study. Studying philosophy taught me how to argue that philsophy was a good thing to study. And it works. Over and over. If there is any concern with the job interviews I do, it is never my major in college. That's taken care of. Done.
Third, I don't want to be a philosophy professor, or a lawyer, or a bum. I just wanted to understand how knowledge is created and formed. That's it. I briefly flirted with the idea that I could become a professor, but they are underpaid, and there are too many of them for the market anyway... that, and it's just not what I want to do.
Fourth, my career of choice (until I start my own business, which will be heavily laden with philosophy) is in advertising/ sales/ consulting (the ethical kind. Yes, it exists). People ask why I didn't go to business school. The answer is because I like my soul. And that I love philosophy. Starting to see the pattern? Besides, that career is all about convincing people of a certain point of view, namely that they should buy my product. Business people eat this up when we get to this part of the interview

....

One hundred and twenty sixth, I can't even write a journal entry on my defense of philosophy without sounding philosophical as all hell.
And, finally, I studied philosophy because it is the original study. All academic knowledge has stemmed from it. It's the freaking study of knowledge itself. Philo means knowledge, sophy means the study of. (Reason number one hundred and twenty sixth and a half: I love the greeks, and not just because they gave us wine, but because they asked a bunch of questions that we haven't been able to answer in nearly 3,000 years, and will probably never answer).,br>
In conclusion, for those of you who are still awake, and those of you who haven't broken your computer out of frustration, I studied philosophy because it was what I was born to study. I understand that a lot of people hate philosophers. Nevertheless, (I knew I would work that word in here somewhere) I typically convince those people through philosophical argument as to why they should not hate me. Those people then tend to hate me more, because my argument is philosophically sound. Thank you, whatevergodyoumayormaynotbelievein bless, and now you can all sleep tonight because you finally know why Jesse studied philosophy.

Let's all jump off a roof!

I've recently started a new activity known as Parkour. It's less an activity, though, than a philosophy; a way to live your life. It's a way of looking at the world such that obstacles are dealt with instinctively, goals are reached effectively, and momentum is never lost. When watching a traceur, one who performs Parkour, what you'll see is someone running at full speed, overcoming every obstacle with grace and ease. No hesitation. And that is the ultimate goal of any traceur - to not think about how they'll surpass their obstacle while minimizing loss of speed. If there is a gap, jump over it. If there is a wall, run up it. If there is a cliff, jump off it. This is why it is as much a philosophy as an activity. It commands you to go through life at full speed when achieving your goals. When an obstacle appears, don't deny it, don't demolish it, don't dance around it. Just get through, over, under, whatever it without thinking. You already know how to get past your obstacle, you merely need to trust yourself. Parkour says that, when interacting with your environment, your body knows how jump, how to land, how to climb, we simply don't believe that it does. The first lesson in Parkour is learning how to get past that fear that we don't know what to do. Get past that idea that humans are weak, fragile animals that are helpless in nature unless they have their weapons. Our species eluded lions and bears and saber-toothed tigers for millennia, and we didn't do it by trying to fell a tree to cross a ravine. We simply jumped over.
Of course, Parkour is as much about knowing your limits as it is about breaking them. There are many glamorous leaps and bounds in Parkour, but one must work up to those. Start small, the very first lesson in Parkour is re-learning how to jump properly. You'll quickly progress into one story leaps and rolling when landing, but this isn't an activity for the weak of heart. The essence, again, is no hesitation, and if you can't perform an action without hesitating, then you're not ready for it. It's best to have a partner when doing Parkour, not just to critique your form, but also for safety's sake... let's be honest, this is a little crazy. The best environment is, not surprisingly, a child's park. There are pointless obstacles and small and large jumps everywhere you look, and the best are those with sand or mulch floors for a 'soft' landing. That said, try to practice during non-popular hours or near dusk. Children tend to be quite fascinated with traceurs, not surprisingly, although, to the parent's consternation, they also like to mimic them.
The park as a practice environment brings up another interesting aspect of Parkour. No matter how hard you're pushing yourself while practicing, it's difficult not to smile while doing Parkour. Everything becomes a potential obstacle, every accomplished maneuver is a success, every missed jump is just a reason to try it again. Simple activities become fun again, and you start to realize just how we used to entertain ourselves when we were kids, many of us having complained to have forgotten. The activity itself is primal. We are reverting back to the innate capabilities developed through evolution, and simply applying them to our urban environment. People do Parkour for many reasons, but I do it to re-connect with my natural self. I've always believed that I've been uncoordinated and unable to achieve a goal using my physical abilities. I've always relied on my mental abilities, and though it has gotten me far in life, I want to achieve a balance. Parkour is helping me believe in myself, and getting a little closer to actually being able to do whatever I want to do. So, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go jump off a roof.

If you want to learn more about Parkour or order the training DVD, go to www.americanparkour.com